Studies show that favoritism in parenting is more common than people admit. Psychologist Jeffrey Kluger, in his book The Sibling Effect, noted that 95% of parents have a favorite, even if they don’t say so out loud. But while parents might see it as harmless, favoritism can have serious effects on family relationships.
Children are very observant. They can easily tell if one sibling gets more attention, more praise, or more patience. When a child feels less favored, they might start to think they’re not good enough. Over time, this can lower their confidence and cause them to feel distant from their parents. On the other hand, being the favorite isn’t always a blessing. A child who gets extra attention might feel pressured to always live up to their parents’ expectations or guilty about the resentment they sense from their siblings.
Favoritism can also affect how siblings relate to each other. When children feel like they’re competing for love and attention, it can lead to jealousy and fighting, sometimes lasting into adulthood.
So why do parents have favorites? It’s not because they’re bad parents. It’s natural to feel more connected to a child whose personality or interests are similar to yours. Sometimes, life situations play a role. For example, if one child is sick or struggling, parents might give them extra care without realizing how it looks to the other kids.
The important thing is to be aware of these feelings and try to make things fair. Spending one-on-one time with each child helps them feel valued for who they are. Praising their individual strengths and listening to their feelings also makes a big difference. And if the issue of favoritism feels overwhelming, talking to a counselor or family therapist can help parents and children navigate these feelings in a healthy way.
What matters most is ensuring that every child feels equally loved and supported. It’s okay to connect more with one child at times, but it’s important to balance this out by showing all your children that they’re equally important to you. Families thrive when everyone feels included and valued.
Parents are often expected to love all their children equally, but the truth is that many parents feel closer to one child than another at different points in their lives. This doesn’t necessarily mean they love the others less; it’s often about personality, shared interests, or even how easy it is to handle one child compared to the rest.
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